I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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