it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
