I want to walk on stilts...naked
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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