I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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