i think i have herpe
just one?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize