My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
