I've blown a few things in my day
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
