but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
