hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
