then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
