im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
