i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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