Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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