Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Buhtt sex?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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