I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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