for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what day is it and did you see me today?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
