You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
