i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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