I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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