Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
