We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
