I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
