He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
