Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
