He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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