he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
