He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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