We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He did a backflip because drugs
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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