when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
