my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
