I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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