she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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