we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
