i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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