hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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