Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she told me i tasted like america
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
