Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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