If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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