this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
