is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
