I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's rum buckets o'clock
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
