Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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