saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize