dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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