I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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