I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
