i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize