so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
