is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
