everyone is single if you try hard enough
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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