I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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