it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
