We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
