she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
