I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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