If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
