Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You did what with his pubic hair?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
