If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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