He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
