My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
