had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize