Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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