Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
