Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
