I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
