I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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