I need help removing her.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize